I’ve never been on a blind date.
Back in my single years, I had buddies that would try to fix-me-up with someone they thought I might like, but all of those attempts eventually led to a ‘nah’ for whatever the reasons.
Tho’ I’ve never been, there are those guys and gals that might prefer to live on the bleeding edge of society by blind dating.
Blind dating has always been somewhat of an adventure in apprehension, and now we have the internet to further the cause of that apprehension by coupling it with anxiety and fear.
No matter how compelling a person’s picture or bio is, there’s never any way of knowing for sure who will show-up on the first date. Yet, most people have probably never had a first date turn out as badly as Imgur user minilogo37.
Please checkout his story below so you’ll have a better idea of what to look out for — and then read on about the additional blind dating disasters below to give you even more of an incentive to become familiar with Murphy’s Law.
Seduced by a Super-Like:
I signed up for Tinder, just to see what would happen. A few hours later, I got “superliked,” which is apparently better than “liked”. We talked for a few days, she seemed super cool. I suggested a date, and she insisted on it being dinner. Cool.
We met up tonight at a restaurant I’d picked out. She didn’t look at me, wore sweatpants, and immediately ordered an $13 appetizer. Okay, not a dealbreaker. I tried starting a conversation a few times, but she only gave one word answers. Then, she orders a $25 steak and $22 crab legs. She drank 4 $9 glasses of wine. I got the steak, and a few drinks myself. Right about the time our main course(s) arrived, I’d pretty much given up. She talked more to the waiter.
As we were finishing, I excused myself and went to the restroom. While I was in there, a light bulb went off.
I left the bathroom, headed out the door, got in my car, and drove home. Now, here I am. She messaged me a few times, called me a “fucker” about twelve times. Eh.
Blind dating has been around for about as long as the human race has I think. Some stories are the stuff of legend.
Here are a few of those stories below.
Madame alias:
“I chatted a girl up online for about a week or so, and things went pretty well, so we decided to meet up. Let’s just say her photo didn’t match her appearance. Her excuse was that she had a crazy ex that was stalking her, so she used her sister’s photo and name. HER NAME!!! SHE LIED ABOUT HER NAME! Anyway, come to find out that she was an only child. She didn’t catch her slip up, but I sure did.”
Anti-climactic:
“This was 1993. He took me out for dinner and a movie. We saw Schindler’s List at the dollar theater. No lie. His choice. Afterwards, he told me he didn’t believe the Holocaust happened. Dinner was at Burger King. My meal of chicken tenders and small fries cost under $4 at the time. Afterwards, I bid him good evening and he complained that I didn’t put out because he bought me dinner. Hell, even if I did it for a living I’d charge more than $4. I didn’t stick around to go watch Apollo 13 and find out if he thought the moon landing was faked, and perhaps eventually barter my favors for an entire extra value meal. My self-esteem in college was low, but not that low.”
Too deep to handle:
“I once had a blind date walk into the restaurant wearing a Niqāb. She wasn’t Muslim, but wanted us to have a conversation without me knowing what she looked like. Kind of a WTF moment or something out of a tv show, but I saw her point. I ended up disliking her based on her personality.”
Too shallow to handle:
“My blind date gave me an IQ test on the spot. When he found out that I had a ‘good score’ he said he won’t be able to date me because I’m too smart for him and I will end up making his life miserable.”
Pure fetishes:
“I was set up on my first blind date by a friend who swore up and down that this guy was perfect for me. I asked her if he knew that I am basically a very geeky goth and she said he had a thing for goth girls.”
The threesome:
“I was about 21. This college girl, who otherwise was a pretty and smart girl, showed up with her little brother. He was about 17, with a peach fuzz ‘stache. He had on a tank top and looked like a little thug. We were going out to the movies and he tagged along. He sat between us. I thought I was being set up by those candid camera shows. Such a f—ing joke. To make matters worse, we had gone to see The Flintstones. Horrible experience all around.”
Straight-up sexual harassment:
“I went on a blind date with this guy who seemed really sweet. We went out to a really classy dinner. The food was great, the atmosphere was fantastic but at the end of the main course, he whipped out his phone and started showing me pictures he’d taken of his d—. Like different angles, lighting, dynamic effects — I rode with him to the restaurant, so I had to sit next to him on the ride home and fight the urge to fling the door open and tuck ‘n roll.”
Dinner disasters:
“I’ve been on two blind dates. One ended with me getting hot tea poured deliberately into my lap, and the other one told me her last fling gave her genital warts midway through dinner.”
Blocked by bacteria:
“I wasn’t feeling great, but decided to meet her anyway. We met at a Belgian beer bar. She was gorgeous, fun, and totally into me. I felt a gas pain, so I leaned forward slightly to quietly relieve the pressure. I completely and explosively shat myself. The odor was immediate. I excused myself to the bathroom, but the damage was too great. I walked out of the bathroom, muddy-panted, out of the bar, and boarded the train for home. The humiliating date was nothing compared to the horror of the following three weeks recovering from E-coli.”
