“Captain Kremmen of the Star Corps” — the legendary opening line that launched a thousand giggles (and probably a few blushes) in the 1970s and ’80s. If you’re channeling your inner space cadet, you’re likely referencing this iconic British sci-fi comedy creation by the irreverent DJ and comedian Kenny Everett.
Just who is this Captain Kremmen anyway?
Captain Elvis Brandenburg Kremmen is the dimwitted, vain, and absurdly overqualified hero of the Star Corps, a futuristic space force that’s basically NASA on steroids (and with way more innuendo). Born on Christmas Day 1944 in Liverpool, he’s billed as “the world’s most fabulous man” with an IQ of 498, a height of 6’10”, and skills ranging from supreme athlete and concert pianist to Concorde pilot and diplomat. One episode cheekily describes him as having “muscles in places where most other people don’t even have places.” He’s the ultimate parody of square-jawed space heroes like Captain Kirk—think Star Trek meets Carry On films, with Everett voicing the captain in his booming, self-aggrandizing tone.
The Story and Characters
The series is set in the early 21st century (the pilot kicks off in 2005), where Kremmen pilots the starship Venus 3 on missions to save the galaxy from ridiculous threats like the Krells (giant, banana-obsessed aliens) or the Thargoids. It’s packed with adult humor, casual sex gags, and Everett’s signature absurdity.
Kremmen’s crew includes the likes of Carla, his voluptuous American assistant (born July 27, 1950, in New York). She’s the ultimate ’70s space babe — rising from poverty through sheer allure — who’s always dragging the captain into steamy side quests. Voiced with sultry flair, she’s equal parts damsel and instigator.
Another member of Kremmen’s crew includes Dr. Swinehund Gitfinger, the brilliant (but bumbling) atom scientist, providing comic relief with madcap inventions.
Other staples include the gravelly-voiced computer, the President of the United States (Kremmen’s golf buddy), and a rotating cast of aliens and villains.
Episodes often devolve into chaos, like the time a bionic Kremmen double gets zapped and teams up with space baddies, or battles with a “death ship” crewed by undead Krells.
Origins and Formats
In 1976 the show debuted on Capital Radio as a serial on Everett’s lunchtime show and ran in to the 1980’s. It aired on stations like Liverpool’s Radio City and Nottingham’s Radio Trent. Episodes were short, serialized adventures — 36 radio appearances in total — full of sound effects, voice acting, and Everett’s manic energy. Inspired by American comedy records featuring voice legend Mel Blanc, the name “Kremmen” started as a spoof ad brand.
From 1978 to 1981 the show was adapted into an adult-oriented cartoon by Cosgrove Hall (pre-Danger Mouse fame), airing as sketches on The Kenny Everett Video Show on Thames TV. 10 TV episodes featured trippy, psychedelic animation with exaggerated designs — think curvaceous Carla in skin-tight suits and Kremmen striking heroic poses. It was risqué for its time, blending sci-fi tropes with cheeky nudity and satire.
The 1977 single “Captain Kremmen (Retribution)” by Everett and Mike Vickers hit UK No. 32, with lyrics riffing on Star Trek’s “Space: the final frontier” as “Tread boldly, men.”
Kremmen was peak Kenny Everett: boundary-pushing, politically incorrect fun that poked at everything from space race machismo to sexual liberation. It influenced British comedy’s love for sci-fi spoofs (hello, Red Dwarf) and remains a cult favorite — fans still stream radio episodes on platforms like TuneIn. If you’re nostalgic, hunt down the compilation LPs or the novelization Captain Kremmen and the Krells (1980). Just don’t blame me if you start narrating your day in that epic intro voice: “Captain Kremmen … of the Star Corps!”
Still Don’t know who Captain Kremmen is?
Here’s a summary of a classic “Captain Kremmen of the Star Corps” episode, based on the tone and style of the series:
In “The Krell Invasion,” Captain Kremmen and his crew aboard the Venus 3 are dispatched to investigate a distress signal from a distant planet overrun by the Krells, a race of banana-obsessed alien giants. Kremmen, boasting his IQ of 498, confidently leads the mission, while Carla flirts shamelessly, suggesting a “private strategy session” to boost morale. Dr. Swinehund Gitfinger’s latest invention—a banana-ray gun—malfunctions, turning the crew’s uniforms into fruit peel, much to Carla’s delight and Kremmen’s embarrassment.Landing on the planet, they encounter a Krell leader demanding Earth’s banana reserves. Kremmen, ever the hero, challenges the Krell to a duel, only to trip over his own ego and get captured. Carla seduces a guard to free him, and Gitfinger accidentally fires the banana-ray, causing the Krells to slip into chaos. Kremmen declares victory, takes credit, and the crew jets off, with Carla hinting at a celebratory “debriefing.” The episode ends with Kremmen’s self-aggrandizing narration: “Another triumph for Captain Kremmen of the Star Corps!”
This pretty much captures the absurd humor, slapstick, and risqué edge typical of the series.
Video episode from the series:
You can learn more by visiting The Ultimate Kenny Everett Sketch Site.
Should Illegal Aliens be banned from welfare?
The question of whether illegal aliens should be banned from welfare involves legal, economic, moral, and political dimensions. Here’s a somewhat simplified overview of arguments for and against, aiming for a bit more clarity and balance.
Argument for Banning
Critics argue that welfare benefits, funded by taxpayers, should be reserved for citizens and legal residents who contribute to the system. Providing benefits to those who entered unlawfully is seen as incentivizing illegal immigration.
Some claim that illegal aliens’ use of welfare (e.g., emergency Medicaid, school lunches) burdens public resources, citing estimates like the $150 billion net cost annually from the Federation for American Immigration Reform (a group advocating stricter immigration policies).
Proponents argue that denying welfare could discourage illegal immigration, reducing pressure on border security and public services.
Argument Against Banning
Opponents argue that denying basic aid (e.g., food assistance, medical care) to vulnerable populations, including children, violates ethical principles of compassion and human dignity, which many Christians and others hold.
Illegal aliens often pay taxes (e.g., sales, property, or income taxes via ITINs) without accessing many benefits. The Social Security Administration estimates they contribute $13 billion annually to Social Security, often without claiming benefits.
Providing limited welfare, like emergency healthcare or school meals, benefits society by preventing disease spread or ensuring educated, stable communities, regardless of immigration status.
Current Context
On the practical side of the issue, enforcing a total ban could increase administrative costs (e.g., verifying status) or lead to unintended consequences, like increased poverty or crime.
On the moral side of it, some Christians cite biblical calls to care for the “stranger” (e.g., Leviticus 19:34), while others prioritize rule of law.
As far the data is concerned, exact costs and benefits are debated, as studies vary widely based on assumptions (e.g., including citizen children’s benefits in “immigrant” costs).
Banning illegal aliens from welfare hinges on whether one prioritizes legal exclusivity and deterrence or humanitarian and societal benefits. The issue can be complex, but it doesn’t have to be.
It’s been said that we are a nation of immigrants and this is true — immigrants that came legally, followed our laws, tax codes, and worked to become a better version of themselves by becoming United States citizens.
At the end of the day we might just happen to come across a rather simple solution that posits that an illegal alien shouldn’t have to be banned from welfare if he or she would file all of the necessary documents required in order to be here, or, collect a small stipend from the government in order to return back to their nation of origin.